Makes 4 servings

This fruit salad is pure and simple.

Because of that, it’s crucial that you use the freshest, most beautiful, perfectly ripe, preferably in-season fruit. Depending on the time of year, and the luck of the draw at the market, you may – indeed you should – come home with a different set of fruits than the ones I’ve set out here.

Fruity Men

It’s not good for a man to be associated with the word “fruit,” or its adjectival form, “fruity.” I’m not sure what it means. They won’t tell me. But I’m pretty sure it’s not good. I don’t think it has anything to do with fruit salad, however. I think you’re safe telling people you love fruit salad. Although I did say that once at a gay bachelor party with unexpected results … but what ensued may just have been what they normally do at gay bachelor parties. More tests would have to be conducted before we could draw a direct correlation. Many, many more tests.^[1] In the meantime, I can tell you that what we do know, scientifically, is that fruit will make you smile and laugh. It will also condemn you to a life of solitude, but when you think about people who “can’t fall asleep unless the TV is on,” is solitude such a horrible thing? If you don’t believe me about men, fruit, laughing, and solitude, let me Google it for you.

Ingredients

Directions

1. Toss everything but the sugar. Taste the strawberries. If they need sugar, sprinkle it over the fruit salad and toss again. Serve immediately or chill. If you decided to use the sugar, your fruit salad will taste even better after a day in the fridge, because the fruit will have released some of its juice. Some people would prefer to avoid this; it’s a matter of taste.

Fruit Salad Hacks

Fruit Salad with Orange-Nutmeg Rolls

• You can’t place enough importance on using only the most delicious, consummately ripe, in-season fruit. You can get strawberries any time of year, but they are mere filler compared to locally grown berries in early summer (or spring, depending on where you live). I’m sure you’ve seen the fruit salad that is so commonly included in buffets: chock full of hard, boring, tasteless chunks of out-of-season melon. It’s such a crime; in-season melon can be so fucking delicious.
• Rather than throwing the orange peel away, chop it to smithereens in a food processor. Or, zest the orange before slicing it. You might toss a tiny bit on your fruit salad. But you might also save it for tomorrow morning, when you’ll mix it into a serving of raw oatmeal and cook according to oatmeal package directions.
• Go for similar textures, but think a lot about color: a variety is nice, monochromatic can be cool, a color scheme such as complementary or analogous can be interesting.

What can you do with leftover fruit salad?

• Spoon fruit salad on top of a serving of vanilla yogurt and top with a sprinkling of granola.
• Spoon fruit salad over sweetened oatmeal.
• Entomb leftover fruit salad in Jell-O. Then bestow upon it a glorious crown of Cool Whip.

Interesting things to add to fruit salad:

Dolphin Salad

• Dolphins
• Bananas? Hell yeah. Who doesn’t love bananas? Include them at the last minute, slicing them right into each portion. That way you can avoid the whole bitter rivalry between the “they turn brown” and the “use lemon juice” factions. By the way, if you’re bringing this salad over for a pot luck or what not, and you want to slice the banana when you get there, you’re going to need a safe, convenient way to transport it. Check it.
• A dollop of soft-peak whipped cream would be hard-core. So would crème fraîche. So would sweetened sour cream. So would vanilla ice cream, although I’m not a huge fan of fresh fruit and ice cream unless the ice cream has already begun to melt and is as soft as whipped cream.
• Mix the honey with ⅓-cup orange juice OR with grated ginger and freshly squeezed lime juice.

Notes