Whipped cream is a just-in-time prep. Don’t let that stress you out, though; a bit of time between dinner and dessert is a good thing. So, clear the plates, relax, and when it’s time, your homemade whip will come together in just a few minutes. Also, keep in mind that it’s very simple to do. So if that after-dinner brandy, the wine you had with dinner, and the cocktail you had before dinner all combine to put you into a tail-spin, rest assured that – especially with a stand mixer – you can make a pretty good whip with three sheets to the wind.

• The best way to do it, by far, is with a stand mixer, even if you’re sober. Heavy cream simply must obey a KitchenAid; it has no choice. You’re going to want to use the highest setting on your mixer, but if you start off that way, you’re going to send droplets of cream flying about the kitchen – which is hilarious until you realize that now you have to clean not only the countertop, but the floor and walls … and you’ll probably need to change your shirt. Ramp up to high speed instead.
• Next best: a humble, handheld mixer. Place the beaters and the (preferably metal) bowl in the freezer a few minutes beforehand. Use the cream straight from the fridge, so that it’s cold.
• The hardest way: by hand with a whisk. Use the same tricks as you would with a handheld mixer. You really need to seriously whip the shit out of it. It’s hard work, but rewarding. It’s more likely to succeed if you’re whipping a small amount of cream. When you’re done, and everyone is looking at you like you just performed a miracle, “whipped cream, bitches” is the perfect thing to say as you drop the whisk to the floor and exit the room.
• The easiest way to get whipped topping is to spray it out of a can or scoop it from a tub. I have no beef with that. Neither of those options has the flavor, texture, and sophistication of real, from-scratch whipped cream, but in the right context, they might be just what you want. Say, if you’re going to pie someone in the face.

When it comes to whipped cream’s texture, there are two that are popular: soft peaks and stiff peaks.

• Why: The difference between them, for use as a topping, is mainly stylistic. Soft peaks are demure and liquid. They’ll slightly soak into a cake or brownie in a particularly sensual way. Stiff peaks hold their shape better and longer, provide a more dramatic presentation, and go particularly well with puddings and pies.
• How: When you lift the whisk straight up out of the cream that you’ve been whipping, it will leave behind a peak or two. If the top of the peaks curl over, they’re soft, If they stick straight up, they’re stiff. If you go beyond stiff, seek immediate medical treatment you’ll come to a point where lifting the whisk will form a crater rather than peaks, because most of the whip will adhere to the whisk rather than slide through it and remain in the bowl. This is generally not desirable. The whip will be heavy and overly rich, and it won’t have its trademark cloud-like appearance. You’ve screwed up, but not completely. If you really want to fuck things up, keep whipping beyond this stage, and in a sudden flash, the whip will separate into a crude butter and whey, and will be utterly useless to you as a dessert topping.

Spiced Whipped Cream

Whipped cream, when used as a topping, frosting, or dessert garnish, must be sweetened. If you read a recipe that suggests otherwise, it was probably written by someone who would eat unsweetened oatmeal … in other words, a dissident of some sort. Report them to Homeland Security and move on. Powdered sugar is the go-to; whip it in to taste for several seconds after you’ve got the whipped cream’s texture where you want it. In a stand mixer, you can put additional ingredients into the cream right from the get-go. In that case, you can use granulated sugar, since by the time you’ve whipped the cream, it will have dissolved.

Whipped cream doesn’t need any additional flavoring, but it’s an easy foundation for nearly any kind of flavor. Most of the time, I use no favoring. I use vanilla when I want to bring the whip to the foreground – for instance, when I top a slice of blueberry pie with whip, I really want to taste a blueberries-and-cream mixture. I don’t want the cream to merely garnish that pie. I also often use vanilla when I’m planning to add another flavor, because the vanilla can give depth to the other flavor. So, for instance, for something like pumpkin pie or spice cake, I might add as much as ½-tsp of cinnamon, nutmeg, or clove to 1 cup of cream, in addition to the vanilla.

If you need your whip to be more-or-less permanent – like, if you’re going to frost a cake with it, or top an entire pie, the whole or part of which is going to be around for days – you should consider stabilizing it.

Easy Whipped Cream Topping Recipe

Makes 2 cups of whipped topping

Ingredients

1 cup heavy or whipping cream
2 Tbs sugar
¾ tsp vanilla extract, optionally

Directions

Moments before serving, whip all ingredients to soft or hard peaks, as desired.

Easy Whipped Cream Topping