Welcome to the miLam Curated Exhibits

Exhibit № I: No-Bake Therapy

We’ve surfed the web, looking for the best no-bake recipes that we can find. We’ve brought them to you in order ease the mental and emotional strain resulting from recent adverse circumstances.

These are stressful times, indeed. But we’ve managed to lower our stress levels, and so can you. Talk to your cuisinier about No-Bakes™. At the end of a bad day, eating an entire batch has been proven effective in the prevention of a full-on, fetal-position breakdown.

(Hover over images for more info.)

Ask your cuisinier today, and join the popular majority of Americans who are working through their problems by binging on comfort food.

No-Bakes Therapy

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve started in on a batch of No-Bakes, desperate for comfort, only to kick myself when I realize that there’s less than a ½-cup left in the peanut butter jar, and I’ve already got the first set of ingredients cooking on the stove. On an ordinary day, I’d turn to ice cream or beer – not to fix the no-bakes, just to fix my mood. But some days are so bad, that I need that no-bake fix. And if I have to change back out of my pajamas so that I can go to the store to get some f***ing peanut butter … well, let’s just say I feel sorry for the Lyft driver who has to take me there.

Two ways to fix this (three if you’re lucky enough to live in one of the “green” states):

1. Look inside the jar before you start cooking, you idiot!
2. Always have a back-up jar of peanut butter.

Same goes for the oats. Never assume that the container is full. Look inside first.

Some people prefer a homeopathic approach to No-Bake therapy, using ingredients such as “special dark” cocoa powder. Others remove half of the active ingredient (peanut butter) and replace it with a Tbs of cornstarch. It’s important to acknowledge that there are no scientific studies indicating the effectiveness of these modifications.

Most mainstream No-Bake therapies make use of over-the-counter and prescription remedies.

Over-the-Counter No-Bakes

The following No-Bakes are available without a prescription:

NUTELLA NO-BAKES
Do you feel sad or empty? You won’t after a dozen of these. Lock the door, turn off your phone, lay back on the couch, and see if you can settle in for a Supernatural marathon on Netflix. You can start fresh tomorrow.

Prescription No-Bakes

These No-Bakes are available only with a prescription from your cuisinier:

CHOCO-PEA’B OATMEAL BARS
Boss giving you asinine directions, and then blaming you for the results? Curl up in bed with 7-10 lbs of this stuff, and you’ll forget you have a boss (whose fat ass you could totally kick in a street fight, and he knows it.)

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Thank you for viewing Exhibit № I

This post was made possible by generous donations from The miLam Curated Exhibit Trust,  The Robert calls his Wood “Johnson” Foundation, The New York Community doesn’t Trust you, The Lilly Cares so you don’t have to Foundation … and viewers like you. The miLam Curated Exhibits: purging the world of high anxiety, one batch of cookies at a time.

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