When I’m not manning the kitchen, I’m looking for someplace fabulous to drink coffee, grab a bite, and write. In its Log On series, miLam will tell you where to find places like this, with free Wi-Fi, in Chi Town, while trying not to feel inadequate as you find yourself regretting that steady diet of Quarter Pounders with cheese, your eight-dollar haircut, and the pants you got at last summer’s sidewalk sale. But don’t let it get to you, man. It’s nearly impossible to rock this scene without having achieved at least some moderate success in porn. Or as a bartender at Sidetrack. Or as a male stripper who may or may not be an escort on the side. (It’s critical that no one knows for sure, but everyone suspects.)

Free Wi-Fi in Boystown

There’s a Starbucks in Boystown. Treasure Island is nearby, which is one of Chicago’s most interesting grocery stores.

Starbucks North Broadway

(4 / 5) Broadway at Roscoe

Can you work or study here?

Sort of. It’s cramped, crowded, and loud – but in a way that’ll put a smile on your face. There are a handful of two-seater tables, and that’s it. To maximize seating, they’ve squeezed some tables into awkward spaces. Plugs: Less than half the tables are serviced by plugs. Combine that with the small number of tables, and the odds aren’t in your favor. Bathrooms? This Starbucks has no bathroom – though I suspect it may have a back room.

Coffee: good, as usual

Why Choose this Place?

Because you love spectacle. This Starbucks is in Boystown, so you’re going to run into some hot muther-fuckin’ men here. Beards, biceps, and hair that doesn’t care if it’s combed. It’s like these guys’ve been genetically engineered to be goodlooking. How is this possible?

The 21st century has ushered in this new breed of gay who looks like he works heavy construction during the day, models for Paul Freeman at night, and on the weekend plays rugby. He almost certainly drinks beer. Where did this new gay come frome? Well, according to local folklore, the Homosexual Agenda opened a satellite office in the basement of Sidetrack a few years ago and started offering a revolutionary, patented new curriculum, str8-acting™, that was designed to “turn that swish into swagger” in 8 weeks with minimal work outside of class. No one paid much attention at the time, but that’s because no one realized what incredible recruiters the graduates would be. Graduates of this course are so stealthy, that in small number of years, Str8-acting™ gay men have been able to infiltrate professional sports, the metal workers union, NASA, country music, the American Brewer’s Association … and even some of the country’s most notoriously conservative political strongholds. It’s rumored that nearly half of the Texas women in the Tea Party are unwittingly married to sleeper agents who, once they’ve amassed great enough numbers, will rise up and transform the Tea Party to the Tea Dance Party overnight. Considering The Agenda’s longtime stranglehold on Hollywood, and Hollywood’s unchallenged power to dictate the way Americans look, think, and act … it should come as no surprise that hot-blooded American maleness is now defined by gay men. Gay men are no longer acting like straight men. They’re leading the way, and straight men are struggling to keep up! It won’t be long now before straight guys start putting “gay-looking” on their Match.com pages. It’s beyond irony. I’d say “paradigm shift” … but it’s more like “paradigm earthquake.”

I hadn’t been pondering that paradigm long when a youthful socialite breezed through, and his “hey hey hey” drew everyone’s attention. Once a staple of the community, he is now more like the Coke Classic of gays. Oh, excuse me: the diet Coke Classic of gays.

Because you love musicals. And you are, in fact, on North Broadway … while, in a musical theater sense, you’re actually not on Broadway, nor are you off Broadway … you’re not even off-off Broadway … but I’m getting off-off topic. A woman who is dressed like Mary Poppins – hat, coat, shoes, everything – is chatting happily with the staff as she waits for her drink. A hipster near the door is dancing to the music. Through the window, I watch umbrellas being inverted by the wet, snowy wind. When the next drink order comes up, the barista doesn’t call out “grande no water soy chai” so much as he sings it. All we’re missing is a chimney sweep. And I’m loving it.

11/11/20139:03 AM – Noon3358 N Broadway St

Treasure Island

Treasure Island is “The Fremont Street Experience” to Whole Food’s “Vegas Strip”. I’m tucked into this little Starbucks only until the snow lets up and I can make a break for the Island, where I plan to kick ass with some fine grocery shopping. This place has everything: Callebaut, bison, a party room filled with human bathmats…
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Other Places to Log On:

Other places to log on: Archer Heights, Edgewater Beach, Fulton River District, Gold Coast, Lincoln Park, Pilsen, Ravenswood, Rogers Park, West Loop, Wicker Park, West Town, Uptown

Boystown isn’t officially a neighborhood. It’s part of Lake View.

Join us! If you would like to suggest a free wi-fi cafe for review, or if you’d like to contribute a review of your own, miLam would love to hear from you. See “contact us” information at the bottom of this page.

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