image cred: Other Focus

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When I’m not manning the kitchen, I’m looking for a spot to drink coffee, buy some shit-kickin’ boots, and hob nob with the hoity toity. In its Log On series, miLam will tell you where to do such things and find such places, with free Wi-Fi, in Chicago. Log on as if money were no object!

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Free Wi-Fi in the Gold Coast

OR,

One of the Few Places on Earth Where You Can Spill an Entire Venti Mocha on Some Guy’s Zegna Jacquard-Patterned Trousers, and He Shrugs It Off and Says, “Eh, They’re Only Pants”

Log On, Chicago. Edition X

The “Oak & Rush III” Starbucks

Leaves you wondering right away, where are I and II?

“III” is the only Starbucks in the Gold Coast, and man, by the look of the clientele, there’s no question about the “gold” in “Gold Coast.” Everyone here seems to radiate with wealth. If your spending power falls short of resplendent, you might consider Divvying yourself down here if you want to hang out, because street parking is four bucks an hour in this neighborhood! How do they expect you to shop at the likes of Barneys or Tom Ford, or pay off your bill at the Facial Plastic Surgery Center Chicago, if you’ve got to shell out $4 per hour for parking?

Can you work or study here? Yes, easily. I can’t believe how much seating there is. And not just seating, but famous seating. I’m sitting at a table that has “reclaimed urban wood” branded into it. That’s so coincidental, because that’s what I called Ron Jeremy after his aneurysm surgery last year. Weird how life comes full circle. Can you live a Tom Ford lifestyle here? Well, sure. The Tom Ford shop is right around the corner and no one Makes it Like a Man more than Tom Friggin Ford. You could stop on over at the Tom Ford store and pick up a uniform, then strut over to Starbucks for your morning iced espresso. This Starbucks doesn’t have a bathtub or a gym, so that will put a small crimp in your T-Ford styling. ‘Bucks probably has something healthy for breakfast, and the bathroom is large enough and well enough lit that you could put on your man-makeup in there. Upon emerging from the men’s room, you could down a couple Starbucks doughnuts, but you’re going to have to miss out on your beloved salmon sashimi. Oh, and it would be challenging to nap here, so you’re unfortunately going to have to forgo your T-Ford nap. And like I said, no bathtub, so I’m afraid you’re completely screwed when it comes to the second, third, and fourth baths of which Tommy’s so fond. I also have a feeling that Starbucks probably has a rule against nudity … corporations are so boring.^[1] Plugs? If by “plugs” you think I mean “hair extensions,” I’ll bet you there are tons. But I’m talking “electrical outlets.” There are definitely more seats than plugs. Still, at the time of my visit, it was quite busy, but I easily nabbed a seat with a plug. WIFI: Better than most Starbucks.  Bathrooms. On the second floor. Big.

Coffee: good, as usual. 

Why choose this place?

Because you have no other choice. This is the only Starbucks in the Gold Coast. However, the Gold Coast has a kind of disputed region – it’s very own Gaza Strip, if you will, that stretches from Oak St. to Chicago St. (compare this map with this map) – and if you’re on the liberal side of the dispute, you might feel that there are three more Starbucks in this neighborhood. In addition to those, there are two other Starbucks of note nearby, one at 39 W Division and the other at 538 N Clark, that belong to the Near North and Old Town, respectively. They butt up right against the Gold Coast’s western front. From time to time, there are reckless skirmishes as the slightly less wealthy try to fight their way eastward, seeking the casual breeziness that comes with trust funds, family foundations, and proximity to the lake. There is nothing worse than when the nouveau riche clashes with old money. Because it’s a destination. Technically, it’s a “flagship,” one of only six in the country. It’s one of those rare S-bucks that also serves wine – which makes them kind of like drug dealers, when you think about it. Nicotine in the morning, alcohol at night … throw in some fair trade medical marijuana in the afternoons, and I think we have a deal. “Flagship” is a really boring name, though. I call this the “I’m So Prad’a Starbucks,” because it’s the loveliest Starbucks I’ve ever been to: two floors, an outdoor balcony overlooking Rush Street, beautiful interior, sleek, made of interesting materials. Oh, and it’s right next door to the Oak and Rush Prada – sandwiched, in fact, between Prada and Frye. So, if this:

is a picture of you and your urban posse, and the reason you all have such dour looks on your faces is because of those ugly shoes – I mean, they look as sexy as a gluten-free diet – and you’re like, “Bros, these shoes are totally ruining our mojo. If only we could find something like this…”

Frye Smith Harness

But then one of your buddies goes, “Oh, but I thought a Smith harness was this…”

(There’s no way I can lift this much weight,
but I sure do love posing next to it.)

“…plus this…”

(I get the weights all set up on the Smith machine, and that skinny little dufus goes
over there and hangs on the bar like he’s in between sets. Damnit! Plus, no shirt, no
6-pack, no chest hair … WTF?)

“…welded together, or something, but I wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be, like, a BDSM thing, or a way to force you to stay at the gym … or maybe both. I dunno.” And then you’re all like, dude. But then one of your other buddies goes, “You guys, I totally am down with going to Frye, and I don’t want to spend another five minutes in these goddamned sad-looking shoes, but I am totally crashing, dudes, and I’m so beyond hungry.”

Well, if all of that happens to you, you’ll be so glad to know that this is the kind of Starbucks that has sandwiches.

6/12/14, 10:42 am

See Also

Rogan

Jackson

Phillip

Notes

Other Places to Log On:

Archer Heights, Boystown, Edgewater Beach, Fulton River District, Lincoln Park, Pilsen, Ravenswood, Rogers Park, West Loop, Wicker Park, West Town, Uptown

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