Blueberry

Pie is my favorite breakfast.

According to Holiday Insights, “National Pie Day is a special day that is set aside to bake and cook all of your favorite pies.” That doesn’t sound like much of a holiday to me. I have at least 19 different favorite pies. If I have to bake them all on a single day, I’ll be fucking exhausted! I think we need a holiday on which we eat our favorite pies!

Deconstructed

National Pie Day was created by the American Pie Council. Yeah, so, it doesn’t commemorate a great event, such as the day that the people rose up and freed themselves from the tyranny of cake. But hey, there is an actual pie council. What they do, I don’t know. I heard the Council was formed to keep a lid on the “Is cheesecake a pie?” controversy, but I can’t confirm that. I think the Pie Council resides in Pie Town and is headed up by The Pie Lady of Pie Town. There are various entities claiming to be “the pie lady.” My guess is that they duke it out, probably to the death, and the one who remains presides over the Council.

Orange Kool-Aid, from Abbi Mays

Believe it or not, there is an airport made of pie. You know how, in an emergency, they foam the runway? Well, this is where they invented that idea, using merengue. Underneath that, they usually spread a layer of lemon curd, so if you’re ever in an emergency at PIE airport, you’ll be so glad you skipped lunch. PIE airport is the traditional embarkation point for pie in the sky.

Chocolate Ribbon, from Kitchen Concoctions

Cherry Pie, from Food.com

Pumpkin Pie – which, by the way, should always be eaten with Cool Whip, never with whipped cream – has its own day. Apparently, pumpkin pie is too fucking uppity to share the day with the rest of the pies. But then it goes on to refer to itself as “humble.” Fucking pumpkin pie. In protest, I will not include a picture of pumpkin pie in this post. But pumpkin is one of my favorites. Maybe I’ll post about it on National Pumpkin Pie Day. Until then, let’s enjoy some more blueberry.

Lovely and Kick-Ass

Speaking of pumpkin, I refrigerate it because I love it cold, not because I’m afraid of it warm. There are some candy asses who say that, because it’s made with raw eggs and dairy, pumpkin pie needs to be refrigerated. I don’t know about you, but I bake my pumpkin pies. If a room-temperature, cooked egg could kill you, I’d’ve died many years ago, from so many Easter eggs and deviled eggs. Hey, eggs for Easter, but also eggs for the devil? Has no one ever questioned that before?

Mascarpone Fig Pie, from Butter Sugar Flowers

Strawberry, from Lori Burke’s Kitchen

Did you know that a pie to the face can be considered battery, but not assault? How about for National Pie Day, you pie someone? Someone you love, but someone who needs to be taken down a notch.

Pi Pie, from The Nerdist