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I recently discovered Hawaiian sweet potatoes. I mean, I didn’t “discover them” discover them, I just stumbled upon a few and had never heard of them before. If you’ve never heard of them, or haven’t had one, you should know that they exist and that they’re delicious. And that they’re probably not gay.
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Also known (possibly) as “purple yam,” the Hawaiian sweet potato is native to continental America. It became popular in Japan, and from there was transplanted to Hawaii. A superfood loaded with 150% more antioxidants than blueberries, you can, according to Hawaii Veggie Farm, put them in the freezer and boil them frozen when the urge strikes you. I didn’t test that idea. Instead, I roasted these beauties in the oven just like I would any potato, and they were fantastic.
What do they taste like? Start by imagining a “yam” flavor profile, but make it sweeter, and then add a chestnut note in the background. Texture: creamier than a potato when thoroughly cooked.
As you can see, the inside of this potato is incredible: a very dark, almost black, magenta-based purple close to blueberry. There are so few foods anywhere near this color. Hawaiian sweet potatoes look quite beautiful and appetizing – even if unusual – baked. Mashed, from the perspective of my particular culture, they’re difficult to identify as food. Chunked up into a potato salad, they’re riveting. They’re often used to make desserts, and wind up a type of lavender that seems like it’d be perfect for Easter.
Of course, the elephant in the room: purple is apparently not just a gay color, it’s the gay color. I thought all the colors were gay, but sometimes I guess there’s just not enough room for an entire rainbow, and then it seems that purple fills the gap. Hawaiian sweet potatoes are so purple, they almost certainly must be the Tinky Winky of potatoes. So you’ve gotta wonder, if you serve them, does it mean you’re gay? Can eating one make you gay? If you’re straight, should you rather vocally refuse to eat them? By the time you’ve reached this point in this post, have you been exposed to the color purple to the extent that you might find yourself having uncomfortable feelings about your sense of fashion? It’s hard to know, because the effects of purple on human sexuality – first documented by the late Jerry Falwell in 1999 – isn’t immediate. Homosexuality is generally dormant until about 11 PM and often doesn’t display its telltale symptoms until the weekend. So I guess it’s a kind of a wait-and-see thing. Although clinical studies have shown that exposure to intense purple makes 87% of most people bi-curious to at least some extent, few of them have been proven to be flat-out, 100% super-gay. Of the remaining 13%, some merely developed a taste for cosmos, others were completely unaffected, and a few (less than 1%) became emperors.
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Hawaiian/Okanawan Sweet Potatoes
For further reading: Down to Earth, Wise Geek, TuroK Like Food
Photo Credits: “Commodus” (Joachim Phoenix in “Gladiator”) from Dianne’s Costumes & Research. All other photos: Make It Like a Man! Hover over photos and/or green text for pop-up info. Click for a rush of blood to the head.
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