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The Scout is a really loud sports bar.

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Defenseman Brent Seabrook is warned by fan, “Dude, don’t go in there! You will loose you hearing!”

I mean, it was deafening when I went in.

“What?”

I said it was DEAFENING!”

“Oh.”

“WHEN I WENT IN THERE.”

“When you went where?”

“In THERE!”

“What?”

Then I dragged my friend outside, and continued: It was deafening when I went in there, and as time passed and I remained there, the noise level seemed to reach a point where I was literally overwhelmed with it. I started to feel that the volume had surpassed my ability to hear it, and it was actually beginning to become a physical presence in the room.

The food seems novel on the menu, but in the end, it turns out to be ordinary. A good example is the signature foot-long grilled triple cheese: brioche, tomato-basil dip and optional smoked bacon. Everything about it sounds extraordinary.

It is indeed a foot long. (Do they cut foot-long sandwich loaves lengthwise?) Everything else about it is exactly like every other grilled cheese you’ve ever had. The “three cheeses” taste like mild cheddar, the “brioche” tastes like ordinary white bread, and the “dip” might as well have be Campbell’s tomato soup. None of that is bad per se – you can hardly diss everyday grilled cheese with a bowl of tomato soup out of a can. It’s an American staple lunch. The thing is, if you’re going to give it a fancy description, then make it taste as fancy as the description. Maybe grill that bad boy on an actual grill.

I also had:

• Roof Beer: Jeremiah Weed Sarsaparilla Whiskey, Sprecher Cream Soda, orange juice
• Buffalo Chicken Wontons: braised chicken thigh, buffalo, blue cheese, pickled carrots, celery aioli

Think of this place as a sports bar. If what they serve is “bar food,” then it’s pretty good. If you were recently a college kid, and still have a fondness for Ramen, you’ll like the food. If I could have anything I wanted, first I’d want those really fancy ear plugs that rock stars wear – the really expensive, hearing-aid-quality kind you have to have specially made to fit your ear. My friend Daniel used to go to hear live bands more than anyone I know, and he swore by his pair. The next thing I’d want would be to scale down The Scout’s menu and make a very small number of truly kick-ass items.

I was there on a Saturday, mid-afternoon, and it was hopping. If you’re looking to hang out with throngs of lively sports fans, this looks like a great place to do it.

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Credits: Brent Seabrook via Chicago Tribune. Other images: Make It Like a Man! Hover over images and/or green text for more info. Click.

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