For many years, my partner and I have been living like a married couple in every way except one.

Although, when I really think about it … most of our friends are single. So I guess we’re not living like a married couple in that way. OK, but in every other way. Except … I do have to say that when I state matters of personal opinion, I continue to use the word “I.” So, I guess we’re not living like a married couple in that way, either. Oh! And I insist on privacy in the bathroom. I mean, come on! Personal space, please! But aside from those ways, we’ve been living like a married couple. Except for one way: legally. It was so much fun to do what we were doing when it was illegal, but now that it’s not, the thrill is gone, so we’ve decided to change with the times. We’re getting married.

But here’s where it gets really crazy. We’re planning to DIY it. I mean, how hard can it be, right? Actually, I’m already freaked out about the idea, but at the same time I love a challenge. Especially when it pays off with cake. And an open bar.

Maybe a Game of Thrones theme?

I’m figuring that planning something like this will consume me. At first, I thought I might have to seriously back pedal on my blog to make time, which is fine … I mean, priorities – amiright? But in thinking about it … this wedding is going to be mainly about food and drink, with a couple vows thrown in. I may have to cut back on all the savory souffles I was planning to whip up after work on a random weeknight, as well as the Beef Wellingtons, weekend paellas, homemade puff pastry and croissants, and the Baked Alaska I make every Tuesday. I’m so sure my sourdough starter will die of neglect, that I’m tempted bake it into loaves of bread tomorrow … without saving any. A lot of that cookery may be shunted for a while to the back burner. But I’ll nonetheless be thinking, planning, and tasting food day and night, night and day. And oh my God, I envision it taking at least a month of day drinking create our signature cocktail for the reception! I’d enjoy blogging about that. Plus, like the to-the-core academic I am, I’ve got posts in the hopper going out for months. I think I can juggle this.

I think we can pull this off without a wedding planner.

I’m also hoping to get advice from you, the Internet. Not the part that issues death threats, or the parts that wind up on Ellen as “Epic or Fail.” The part that knows about food. I’d love to get your opinions on my wedding food ideas, and hear about yours. And in the meantime, if you can push a few quick-fix ideas my way, about things to eat when you don’t have time to cook because you’re up to your ass in dance lessons, that’d be cool. (Just kidding, we are not doing that.)

Anyway, sorry this post doesn’t contain a recipe – although a DIY wedding may well be a recipe for disaster. We’ll see. Maybe we’ll wind up on Epic of Fail after all.

Credit for all images on this page: Stefon: NY Daily News, Red Wedding: Dark Side of Gaming, Kate Middleton’s Wedding: ABC Nyheter. Hover over images for pop-up info. Click to jump to source. This content was not solicited by Xanax for Gay Summer Weddings, nor anyone else. It was not written in exchange for anything. Furthermore, this post contains no affiliate links, unless you consider Stefon to be an affiliate, because, you know, everyone in the community knows everyone else; this is clearly established in the bylaws of The Agenda.

Follow Up, 1/28/2023

I haven’t looked back at this post in years, and was just re-reading it. And I thought I’d write a follow-up. If you’re thinking of DIYing your own wedding and reception, go for it. We managed to pull if off with a serious load of work for two guys with day jobs, but it wasn’t overwhelming. We’re not crafty, and although we’re both good with detailed plans, neither of us knew anything about event planning when we set out.

Here’s my advice:

1. Spend a lot of time thinking about what you want – not the specifics, but the vibe.
2. Give yourself lots of time, and don’t box yourself in unnecessarily.
3. Be flexible and open-minded.
4. Spend an serious, enormous amount of time as contractors, pulling together a dream team. Do a lot of sleuthing. Go on lots of interviews and site visits. Don’t settle for someone whose ideas seems good; wait until you find someone whose ideas excite you. When you find yourself responding “yes and” instead of “no,” you’ll know you’ve found someone good to work with. When you’re working with someone who is extremely good at that they do, don’t tell them what to do. Convey the vibe and let them suggest what to do.
5. Don’t take on any tasks for yourself that are typically done by a professional, unless you are a professional in that field. Anything you agree to do should be simple if critical things, like picking up this and delivering it to there.
6. Keep it simple. It will grow in complexity all on its own.